Check out this recent account of an incident penned by CCSO Youth Relations Bureau Cpl. Jim Brown ...
Fishy incident at Naples High School
Time: 12:10 hours
Description: Height 15”, weight 16 oz, eyes black, hair none, multi colored skin, scars-multiple, undercut jaw
Victim: (HIPPA-protected) Teacher at school
The suspect was later identified as Scomberomorus maculatus, (Atlantic Spanish Mackerel) A.K.A “Mack.” He was found lying on the ground possibly attempting to conceal himself out in the open. I took control of the suspect without incident and escorted him to the clinic where he was positively identified by the victim. While speaking with the victim she advised:
“I was watching students when all of a sudden I was struck in the head by this flying fish. I yelled, ‘Holy Mackerel, what just happened?’”
The victim was not able to advise how “Mack” got to the school but theorized that he possibly hitched a ride from an unknown accomplice/bird possibly named “Osprey.” She doesn’t think it was “Eagle,” as we are the Eagles at Naples High School.
I made contact with Principal Dr. Graham at Naples High and showed her the suspect. I advised her at this time he might be arrested for battery on school employee (Florida Statute 784.081 (2) (c)).
Suspect “Mack” was escorted back to my office, where I advised him of Miranda warning. He “clammed up” (being from the ocean) and refused to answer any questions or make any statements. The victim did not fill out a sworn statement or wish to press charges. She only advised that “something fishy is going on here.” The suspect was released with further investigation required. The Osprey might be the true suspect for the battery.
We are grateful here that it was not a flying cow, as injuries would be more severe and the teacher might have screamed “Holy Cow what was that?”
We will still be on the lookout for “when pigs fly,” though.
Cpl. Jim Brown